Uncorporeal foe
In my middle-aged fugue, someone does me harm.
Something uncorporeal is using me as its own private latrine for its dysenteric ways. Somebody without a telephone number or gonads that I can unleash my fury upon. Someone without a garden that I can crap on or windows I can break.
I am permanently drenched in fourtysomething objectless resentments and grudges. I want to kick out at something and find my mark without falling flat on my face.
Something uncorporeal is using me as its own private latrine for its dysenteric ways. Somebody without a telephone number or gonads that I can unleash my fury upon. Someone without a garden that I can crap on or windows I can break.
I am permanently drenched in fourtysomething objectless resentments and grudges. I want to kick out at something and find my mark without falling flat on my face.
posted by jiddles at 8:52 AM
6 Comments:
Hey! Just chanced upon your page. Life begins at 40! Well, you see, you have already gone through easily 15 years of occupational hazzards, taken some risks, loved, lost, treasured...and now you are at peace with yourself, know yourself better and therefore, you erm, should think about the life ahead and not about your aches and pains.
I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 41 this year. His greatest problem is that he keeps forgetting he can't do things like he used to or have reflexes as fast as he used to. But, he has a mantra. Which is "You're as young as the woman you feel" so, get a girlfriend! (Erm, sorry if you are married...not too sure. I'm sorry Missus.)
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You speak eloguently of The Disquiet. This is what I call the unease and a kind of restlesness that hits in midlife. The reluctance to talk about it is a mostly male thing and what seems to set it apart from women suffering with it. I know the media has made lots of jokes and stereo-typed the male-midlife crisis. But I think it's an important time of passage that can be very challenging to navigate.
Its enormously refreshing to see blogs by older folks with angst as opposed to teenagers whining and complaining :D (although both sound remarkably the same- just that the former is more eloquent).
I think you should find something to kick- something that doesn't break your foot preferably. And then go find God.
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has it gooten any better in the last 2 years since you posted?
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